A lie for salvation

Goddesses in barrels
Outlandish treatments in expensive spas - what is it: real help or a well–thought-out deception of gullible customers?Ekaterina Sherga, Moscow News
There are signs on Moscow streets that you will stop in front of if you want to.

Here, for example, is a list of what can be done to a person in the basement of the most ordinary Moscow house: "warming up in the cedar ark", "staying in a spa cocoon with selective chromotherapy", "turbomassage with a sheet", "samurai peeling with bamboo sticks". And a lot of other things, amazing and strange.

An institution where all this is practiced can be called a "Wellness studio" or a "Spa center", or simply a "Beauty Salon". But the salon is not easy. The first thing you discover when you open the door is that the air is so humid and saturated that fish can swim in it. The interior is the same… But here is the description that a very typical salon gives on its website: "Transparent streams of a waterfall embodying the healing power of water flow down the Latin saying sanus per aqua engraved in stone, which means "health through water". The atmosphere of the spa takes you away from the hustle and bustle of the city to a paradise. Soft light of flickering candles, traditional aromas of Indian incense, tatami and a screen depicting traditional oriental subjects, a Chinese tea table." All nationalities gathered to entice the client away from the surroundings of the Mozhaisk highway – Hindus, Romans, Japanese and Chinese.

The desire for exoticism sometimes leads the owners of such establishments to prehistoric distances. For example, I know a person who has been running around for a long time with the idea of setting up a wellness center on Rublevka based on the methods of the ancient Assyrians. This businessman, instead of running away to a bookstore and hiding between the pages of Pelevin's novel (from which he undoubtedly jumped), was going to present to the public the unique cosmetic procedures developed by the priests of Ashur in the XXI century BC. Since practically nothing is known about cosmetology of that era, Assyrians could be safely blamed as the dead.

The list of procedures offered in salons is of a primitive geopolitical nature. There is Russia, there is Europe and there is the East. Russia is represented by variations on the theme of the Russian bath. Here, for example, "Slavic Zhivana", created, as they say in the advertisement, "for the real goddesses of the modern world." Steaming in a cedar barrel will relieve fatigue, open pores, strengthen metabolism. At the end – a pleasant massage with buckwheat bags: the tension of muscles and joints will go away, and the aroma of buckwheat will create a cozy home environment. The cedar barrel, which is in high demand, looks like a huge wooden bread box, only with a lid not on the side, but on top. There sit the goddesses of the modern world, sticking their heads out. In the conventionally Slavic style, a "Heroic spa" is also performed – a massage with pine nut oil and salt peeling with the addition of crushed cranberries.

The East appears in infinite variety. A Siamese massage with buffalo horn plates is offered. Thai massage with bags of aromatic herbs, which include Kaffir lime, aromatic turmeric, an unknown but extremely popular plant cryptolepsis buchanai ("your skin will breathe air saturated with herbs, absorb nutrients and saturate the body with them"). Tibetan massage with the use of volcanic stones: "Since ancient times, the energy of the stone has attracted people to itself. The specific energy of the stones eliminates tension and stress, neutralizes negative energy, redistributes energy."

The procedure "Turkish silk" and Japanese rice peeling. "Moroccan Song" – a visit to the hammam, and then an aromatherapy session and wrapping with blue Cambrian clay, created by nature itself 500-600 million years ago. In addition to clay, there are oriental spices that enhance the process of cell division and ensure their renewal. The duration of the procedure is 60 minutes, the cost is 3600 rubles. And here is an offer on the Internet: "Blue Cambrian clay. For cosmetology. We ship directly from the quarry, pack on the spot. Pskov region". This product of the Pskov subsoil is offered at 120 rubles per kilogram, and its cost price is probably ten times lower.

A sign of Western methods is a combination of obscure words. For example, they offer a procedure that consists of three stages: "Dermotonia. Alcoholicide is a remineralizant. Vitalite." "Liberte, egalite, vitalite." By the way, vitalite is a mud wrap with the use of silt or the incredibly popular kelp algae. Miraculous kelp, according to the advertisement, stimulates blood circulation and causes the expansion of blood vessels, "which contributes to the better elimination of toxins from the body." But that's not all: "The substances contained in it penetrate through the skin into the tissues. There is an increase in the energy balance of cells. The source of trace elements calcium and magnesium provides excellent muscle relaxation, eliminates tension and stress."

I turned for advice to professionals, but not to cosmetologists, but to those who are thoroughly familiar with chemistry and medicine. I was wondering: is all of the above pure wiring or can there be any benefit from these procedures?

The answer was brief and exhaustive. Firstly, this is a wiring. And secondly, there will certainly be benefits.

Let's start with the expulsion of toxins from the body. First of all, as it turned out, no slags exist in nature. The word "slags" became fashionable in the late 40s, but over the past six decades it has not been possible to identify it with any specific substances. If toxins (that is, biological poisons) suddenly appeared in the human body, then they should certainly be removed. But medically and under the supervision of a qualified doctor.

"Specific energy of stones", "increasing the energy balance of cells", "energy–intensive products", "neutralizing negative energy" - this is beyond science, these are words, words, words. As for the skin, which "breathes" and thereby nourishes the body, one of the conquests of vertebrates, which in the process of evolution came to land, is just the inability to breathe skin (preserved in frogs). Yes, of course, there is a household expression "the skin does not breathe", that is, it suffers from poor ventilation. But it's still about something else.

Now about kelp. A wonderful algae in biochemical terms, perfectly concentrates various trace elements. But it is extremely doubtful that vanadium or molybdenum can penetrate into tissues through the skin and that it is very useful for all of us. If there is a shortage of these substances in the body, then it is more effective and cheaper to eat a jar of seaweed ("kelp" is its scientific name). It's the same with Cambrian clay. By the way, it does not stimulate cell division. And thank God, because any process that stimulates such division is Russian roulette, you can also get cancer inadvertently.

In general, the meaning of this Cambrian clay and wraps with kelp, and all mud wraps – in a soft uniform warming. Extremely useful in the treatment of rheumatic and joint diseases, skin troubles and problems with ligaments.

So, what does the client really get after spending 5 thousand rubles and two hours? He gets vascular training in a Russian or Turkish bath, good warming up thanks to wraps, muscle relaxation after massage. How exactly massage is done – with plates from the horn of an African buffalo or from the horn of a cow Zorka, in this case it does not matter. As for the rest – bags of buckwheat and Kaffir lime, aromatherapy, crushed cranberries – all these procedures, of course, are absolutely harmless and leave pleasant sensations.

But that's not all. It is proved that each of us is very positively influenced by the fact that they pay attention to us, they try to help us. Ambulance doctors know this well: they can be called to a patient with high blood pressure, they have just arrived, they have not had time to do anything yet, and the pressure is already decreasing. When a person is placed on a massage table, aromatic candles are lit, rose petals are scattered around, people are fussing around him, the body receives the necessary signal and starts the healing process itself. It turns out that when we are promised to eliminate tension and stress, we are almost not deceived?

And about what kind of customers there are. I remember a certain spa salon in a gutted and converted mansion in old Moscow. All the staff were trained just brilliantly. The ladies who served in the salon were characterized by the soft sadness of impoverished duchesses. Dressed in white robes specially issued from Italy, they swayed and rustled, telling everyone about the miracles that would happen to him here. And now another attendant appeared in the doorway. The girls quickly whispered, an inspired expression appeared on everyone's faces. Having taken off, the ladies in dressing gowns became agitated, flapped their wings, rushed into the hall, where there was a low sofa upholstered in the finest suede of ash-silver color. Before reaching him, the whole white flock froze at a respectful distance, forming a semicircle.

On the sofa, pressed into a corner, sat a very small woman of about fifty, whose whole appearance expressed shyness, uncertainty and bitterness. She had an earthy face and no figure at all. The visitor sat as if the suede of the sofa was all studded with nails. Someone's mother, sister or aunt. Maybe the mother-in-law.

All this was intended for her: and the energy cocktail "Royal deep relaxation massage", and chocolate peeling with coffee and cream, and jade and amber massage, and the application "Volcanic dust with cypress", and cleansing the face with myrrh and spicy cloves, and drainage with sweet almonds, and contrasting tropical rain, and wrapping with algae, and moisturizing the skin from the inside with the help of revolutionary Swiss remedies. As well as hemoscanning and electrolipolysis with super-thin needles. Plus a bitter chocolate wrap with crushed shea nut seeds.

She was an unusually promising client. More promising than an actress or a model. And it's not for nothing that grandiose efforts were made to get it. In fact, two or three people like her will be able to keep this salon afloat. The fact is that she gave the impression of a person who had not been engaged in for a very long time.

Girls in dressing gowns were rushing around in front of her like beautiful big white chickens, and she looked at them with an expression of confusion, submission and fright.

Portal "Eternal youth" http://vechnayamolodost.ru29.07.2011