British doctors continue to joke
BMJ: Christmas Research – 2014
Alexey Vodovozov aka uncle_doc
Since I've started a tradition, I'll have to keep it. I'm talking about Christmas research, which is published in the British Medical Journal (BMJ) (one story, two stories). Moreover, this year famous British scientists and their sympathizers from other countries came off in full.
"Gender differences in idiotic behavior" (a study about which many Russian media have already written) with the logical conclusion that men are idiots. And that's right, because women would be idiots ;) The authors analyzed data on the Darwin Prize (for ridding humanity of its genetic material by idiotic self-sawing) for the last 20 years (1995-2014). The strong half of humanity won with a crushing score of 318:36, once again confirming that the majority of women are alien to the spirit of adventure on their ass, the instinct of the researcher, the desire to expand the horizons of knowledge and other useful, but life-threatening character traits.
"The image of a doctor in popular music". Sounds like a graduation essay theme. The authors of the study analyzed the results of the search for the word "doctor" in the lyrics of the songs, it turned out 8.4 million matches. For comparison, they sing about lawyers much less often – only 1.3 million matches. In songs, as in life, doctors appear in two guises: good and not very (or very not). In the first case, they heal bodies and souls, patch up broken hearts. In the second, they push drugs and cohabit with patients or patients, and not always with their consent.
In the end, it all came down to 64 songs. Only in 3 cases does the topic of unauthorized release of prescription potent substances sound: the Beatles (Doctor Robert), the Rolling Stones (Dear Doctor), as well as Dr. Filgood (Down at the Doctors).
In 19 songs, doctors of different genders successfully molested patients and patients with both romantic and exclusively anatomical and physiological intentions. In other words, the authors of the texts are stupidly jealous of doctors, because even the most innocent girls have to undress in their offices. The fact that there are usually 99 grandmothers for 1 examined girl, the authors apparently do not suspect. No, of course, there were interesting moments during my studies, like the practice of outpatient surgery, when a pedagogical college was brought to the medical examination, and the surgeon dumped after the first dozen girls examined, leaving the remaining several dozen at my disposal... after the 20th pair of girlish charms, I wanted only one thing: for it all to end quickly ;) In addition, novels of varying severity are more likely to occur between doctors-nurses, work colleagues, than between a doctor and a patient. A sick woman, even a very pretty one, is not perceived as a woman. I suspect that female doctors have a similar situation with men.
Well, in the rest of the songs, the doctors were like angels, healed with the imposition of hands, words and kind looks from various ailments, including unhappy love.
"The use of the system of King Knud the Great by general practitioners." Knud II the Great was the king of Denmark, England and Norway at the turn of the X-XI centuries. There is a legend according to which Knud was tired of flatterers-courtiers who sang variations on the theme "Kings can do anything". Knud built courtiers on the shore of the North Sea at high tide and demonstrated that for some reason the waves did not obey him and refused to retreat, so after the waves began to flood the throne, he had to retreat. In general, this is a strange way to show that nothing human is alien even to the king.
It is even more strange that the authors based this model on their proposals for optimizing the work of a general practitioner, suggesting that the doctor is the same Knud, and the waves are crowds of patients. Metaphorically speaking, the authors explained that Knud had to place the throne at the lowest point of the tide, and at the highest, then his legs would be dry, and the courtiers would suck up even more.
"Why are there old magazines in the waiting room?" Everything is simple here: patients just steal fresh numbers, so mostly old stuff remains. Moreover, the yellow press (photos of celebrities, scandals-intrigues-investigations) will be dragged away faster than more decent publications. The authors draw a simple conclusion: you need to keep the old boring press in the waiting room, then no one will pull it apart, but they will still read it – there is no choice.
"Music in the operating room." A whole editorial on the topic. I think many people have seen this in movies and TV shows, and some could watch it live. The authors cite numerous randomized clinical trials, systematic reviews and meta-analyses that show that music is good for both patients and doctors. For example, if we compare a relaxing melody that matches the rhythm of the heartbeat (60-80 beats per minute), then for premedication it is cooler than midazolam. Awakening of the patient to music occurs with fewer problems than just under the noise of the equipment or in silence. Music also calms patients who are on artificial ventilation in intensive care.
It is also good for surgeons: the team works more closely, the level of general anxiety decreases, efficiency increases, muscle fatigue develops more slowly, physiological stress markers are less often determined.
The article also provides lists of correct and incorrect music.
The first category includes, for example, "Un-Break My Heart" performed by Toni Braxton, and it is called ideal for cardiac surgery. There are Bee Gees, Pink Floyd, Sade, and Wham.
The second group includes such groups as Queen (and the song "Killer Queen" is specifically mentioned – it is strictly contraindicated if there is a female surgeon or a female anesthesiologist in the team, I don't know why). REM, Radiohead, RHCP and House of Pain also fell into disgrace. By the way, not a word about Rammstein ;) Although "Mein Herz Brennt" in the piano version (once again I am amazed at Thiel's facial expressions) is suitable not only for accompanying a lobotomy.
"Political views and physical activity". The authors decided to study who moves more – socialists, centrists or rightists, trying to confirm or refute the common term "limousine liberal" and its analogues. In total, we analyzed data on 29,193 Europeans from 32 countries, of which 1985 were left–wing, 1902 were right–wing, 17,657 were centrists, and 7649 have not yet decided on their views. Centrists turned out to be the most sedentary, respectively, they were immediately identified as a risk group for all sores associated with physical inactivity (obesity, hypertension and further with all stops). So clearly expressed, and in some places even extremist views are more useful for health, but how dangerous they are for life – here science is not yet aware of the matter.
By the way, many publications adopt this tradition from BMJ. For example, the previously unnoticed Drug and Alcohol Review published a study on the effect of alcohol on sexual attractiveness, from the results of which, in particular, it follows that it is enough for a woman to just sit next to a bottle of beer and she will already be considered sexy enough from a male point of view.
For links to all the mentioned studies by British scientists and previous reviews by the author, see the original article – VM.
Portal "Eternal youth" http://vechnayamolodost.ru15.12.2014