He, she and their hormonal surges
The history of relations with the scientific substring
Daniil Kuznetsov, "The Attic"
Love is a real feeling. As real as hunger, joy, or pain. And, accordingly, like any other real feeling, love has not only a sensually experienced side, but also a "reverse" – neurophysiological. Since relatively recently, we have been able to tell stories about love, armed not only with the ability to poetically describe phenomena given to us in the direct experience of subjectivity, but also by consulting the results of experiments of neurophysiologists, as well as the theories of psychologists and evolutionary biologists. For example, like this.
They studied in the same course. For a long time, Ira did not pay any attention to him. Before that seminar. Oleg volunteered to read a report on the theory of the origin of speech in primitive people. The topic itself was already boring. She was awakened from her dreams by the loud laughter of her fellow students. After listening, she suddenly got carried away – Oleg spoke well, interestingly, joked a lot and held himself very confidently in front of a whole hundred classmates. Ira's gaze involuntarily appraisingly slid over his figure – broad shoulders, developed muscles. Picking up the chalk, he turned to draw something on the blackboard, and Ira caught herself looking at his buttocks with shame…
Blood rushed to his cheeks, and his hands suddenly sweated. Ira remembered flipping through the pages of the December issue of Proceedings of the Royal Society B at her leisure and saw an article saying that women in men are attracted primarily by an athletic physique, obvious signs of physical strength. "Hmm, but it's not about me. It is important for me to be smart, cheerful, kind, gentle and caring," Ira flashed through her head. Then Oleg turned around and looked at her, right into her eyes, for a long time, taking a solid pause. Mischievous wrinkles gathered around his eyes, and his face seemed to light up.
The only one of all
"And why doesn't Oleg get out of her head?" – this question has been tormenting Ira for a week. "No matter what I do, my thoughts keep coming back to him, over and over again. Moreover, it seems to me that he is the best among all the guys! The one and only!" "Yes, everything is simple, – Ira's best friend, an excellent student Lyuba, came to the rescue. – I'll explain everything to you now.
Scientists believe that love is based on three factors: the selection of a preferred partner, the establishment of intimacy with him and sexual attraction. Right now, the first factor dominates you. In the course of evolution, our brain has acquired the ability to single out one potential partner from many. Why did this happen? There are many theories that explain this: take, for example, the "effect of grandmothers".
At some point (either in the late Paleolithic or early Neolithic), the life expectancy of women increased, and elderly ladies began to help take care of their offspring to their daughters, which allowed the latter to have more children. This, in turn, consolidated longevity in the human population and at the same time led to an increase in the life expectancy of men. And this is what it led to: the old people were already unable to hunt effectively, and therefore did not leave the settlements, but they could still have children. As a result, due to the "grandmothers effect", the number of fertile women in relation to the number of men capable of procreation decreased (models demonstrate that the proportion could reach 156 men per 100 women of childbearing age). All this has led to a sharp intensification of competition for women, exacerbated by the long-term absence of young men in the villages.
The natural response was a feeling of jealousy, and the young husbands driven by it preferred to guard their wives from the encroachments of elderly ladies' men instead of hunting. Such communities were quickly left without resources, weakened and died. Only those communities survived where strong romantic relationships were established between men and women – love, mutual trust and loyalty, excluding infidelity. But these feelings are impossible if the partner does not seem special and the only possible one of all. So it is with you!
And the neurotransmitter dopamine is responsible for this reaction. This is a hormone that is mainly produced by neurons of our internal "reward system" (ventral region of the tire) and causes a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction. But in this case, something else is important – dopamine also affects the processes of attention, in your case forcing you to concentrate on one person. This is because this mediator affects the cingulate gyrus, mainly on its posterior part. This area of the brain, in particular, is responsible for the ability to transfer attention from one object to another, to see a choice, to switch between different thoughts. As the famous studies of Helena Fischer and Arthur Aron have shown, the shorter the romantic relationship lasts, the stronger the activity in the posterior cingulate gyrus. However, gradually – month by month – activity in this area is decreasing."
Butterflies in the stomach
"Eh, you should bring the scientific base under everything! Is it really all about simple chemistry? – Ira was outraged by her friend's cold pragmatism. – I feel great like never before: such delight, so much energy, although on the other hand I completely stopped sleeping at night and I don't really want to eat. And when? I spend the whole day dreaming about Oleg, remembering all sorts of cute little things and our meetings: how we climbed the roofs of St. Petersburg at night or sat in that nice cafe near the faculty. My God, how good it was!"
"That's right,– Lyuba continued. – And here, too, dopamine is to blame. In addition to affecting the central parts of the brain, this neurotransmitter enhances the production of testosterone associated with increased sexual desire. It also sharpens our senses – the sky seems brighter, and the touch is much more exciting. But most importantly, dopamine causes general emotional excitement and euphoria, which is why you experience such a spiritual uplift. And norepinephrine and another substance, phenylethylamine, help him in this. Both of these substances are natural stimulants. Another important aspect of them is that they make your memory and perception work differently. You notice and remember the slightest details in the object of your love.
In parallel, your brain also significantly reduces the production of another neurotransmitter – serotonin. According to a number of neurophysiologists, its number in six months of the novel falls to the same level as in patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder, i.e. obsessive-compulsive disorder. That's why you can't think about anyone or anything else until your Oleg is around. And even if they are together, it still does not work to get enough of each other's company. Sex gives discharge only for a while. And then it all repeats again and again.
By the way, serotonin plays an important role in the brain structures responsible for evaluation and comparison, therefore, with a decrease in its production, the ability to objectively judge a person is also blunted. You see only the best sides of your lover, not noticing the bad ones at close range."
He's not calling anymore
Lyuba was woken up by a call at three o'clock in the morning. Sobbing and stammering, Ira said that Oleg had left for field practice and had not called her for three days. "Calm down, maybe there are no cell towers there," Lyuba answered her friend judiciously. – And in general…
All this is the reverse side of a powerful release of dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine. You are so fixated on your beloved that the slightest discord or inattention seems like a disaster to you. Euphoria is immediately replaced by negative emotions: anxiety, panic, a sense of despair, abandonment and endless loneliness. And all because you are constantly balancing on the edge and interpret internal excitement positively only when the object of your passion is nearby, otherwise the same experiences are immediately evaluated negatively. And yes, at the same time, the production of phenylethylamine decreases, and the brain, "removed" from stimulants, immediately falls into a depressive state. All this is called emotional instability.
In general, I understand your feelings, but be sure: most likely, he just can't get through."
Parting is a small death
"You know, the more situations like this, when he disappears, does not call or something interferes with us, the more I fall in love with Oleg," Ira said at one of the joint evenings. "Tell me, Lyuba, what does your science say about this?"
"Well, everything is simple here. The fact is that, as I have already said, the main role in the formation of feelings of love is played by the so-called "reward system" in our brain. It works very cleverly. As soon as we can't get what we want, the achievement of the goal is postponed, dopamine-producing neurons become more and more active, motivating us more and more. Accordingly, after adversity and obstacles overcome, pleasure also increases.
In parallel, in another area of the brain, in the frontal lobes, there is a calculation of risks: what we will gain and what we will lose in this or that situation. And the subjective loss from the loss of a lover seems to be how high, which again activates the "reward system", forcing you to persistently seek love and take any risk. So any difficulties in a romantic relationship only strengthen feelings!"
Dissolve into each other
"Oh, Lyuba, we're doing so well right now! Passions are boiling so that at night it is sometimes impossible to sleep. And then we lie together and dream about how we will go on a joint trip, rent an apartment for two, get a dog, and then, maybe, a baby. And I'm always so worried about Oleg, I feel all his failures and pain as my own. I want to give up everything and help him." "Well, dear, you have moved to the stage of intimacy and maximum sexual attraction!
Other hormones are already playing a central role here. Both the well–known conditionally female hormone estrogen and conditionally male testosterone, which provide the power of carnal desire, and two more cunning ones - oxytocin and vasopressin. Both of these hormones are responsible, in addition to their direct physiological functions, also for the formation of feelings of attachment and interconnectedness. And they are produced mainly during physical intimacy, starting from hugs, kisses and ending with the maximum release during orgasmic discharge.
The more a couple makes love, the more attachment hormones they produce and the stronger mutual love. By the way, here are two St. Petersburg researchers and a parallel yoga practitioner – physiologist Rinad Minvaleev and mathematician Anatoly Ivanov – set up an experiment in which they found that women have two types of tone profile of the autonomic nervous system and blood circulation during sex. At the same time, one of them leads to the exhaustion of a woman's strength (a conditionally sympathetic profile), and the second, parasympathetic, on the contrary, gives energy and vitality. At the same time, if a woman achieves such a reaction during sexual intercourse, then the man also "rebuilds" his reaction profile to the parasympathetic one after her. And after coitus, both partners not only feel tenderness for each other, but are also full of strength and energy. And the achievement of this profile depends on the duration of sexual intercourse – the longer, the better. The only problem with this work is – however, a serious problem – that it has not been published in a peer-reviewed scientific journal and has not been repeated by any other group of scientists. So I'm telling you about this, as they say, rather as a very interesting hypothesis."
Forever?
"Oh, and I would so like us to love each other for the rest of our lives," Ira said dreamily.
"Well, it's almost possible! Look, American scientists have shown that the longer the courtship process was, the stronger the attachment to each other in the relationship will be, which means they will last longer. However, such passionate love cannot last more than two or three years for one simple reason - the body cannot maintain such a high level of dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine production for a long time. Willy-nilly, you will look at each other in a new way - soberly. You will find each other's flaws. And here it is not passion that will come to the fore, but affection.
The hormones oxytocin and vasopressin will also be important here, but at the same time completely immaterial things. So, psychologists have shown that the more we idealize the one we love, the stronger the bonds at the stage when affection is more important than passion. In this case, it is easier for us to forgive the detected shortcomings, since the image in our head is stronger.
Moreover, the same Helena Fischer and Arthur Aron, whom I once told you about, found couples who had lived together for an average of about 21 years and claimed that they still retain a romantic attitude towards each other. A study of their brains showed that, like young couples in love, their "reward system" continues to react violently to thoughts about their spouse and even activates the posterior part of the cingulate gyrus! In other words, they have retained, surprisingly enough, the novelty and focus on the partner through the decades. Maybe you and Oleg are like that?"
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