No, life is not over at 31…

40 years is the new 30, and no need to wring your hands

Alexandra Sheveleva, RIA NovostiMasha came from Holland with good news: after 30 years, youth continues.

The Dutch get married closer to 40, give birth to children closer to 40, and at 30 they live for their own pleasure as energetically as at 20. If they meet someone at 35, they don't hurry to move in together - they go on dates. The story that my thirty-year-old brother finally became a father caused Dutch acquaintances to exclaim in surprise: "Well, wow, what a young father!"

The same course for prolonging youth is also taking place in other Western countries: Italians at 40 are still jumping at discos, and American forty-year-old women are not in a hurry to give birth at all. A recent issue of Time magazine was just devoted to the topic of deferred parenthood and adult life without children. The editorial states that, regardless of social status or ethnic group, every fifth American woman ends her reproductive age without becoming a mother.

I remember when I first came to New York, the phrase "thirty-year-old girls", which was seriously used by my American friends, seemed like a funny oxymoron, and I smiled every time I heard it. Now, looking at my thirty-year-old friends who run, jump, laugh like schoolgirls, it's hard for me to deny them that they are still "girls".

International media and publishing houses only strengthen my conviction that youth is longer now. The New Yorker presents 20 "young authors" under 40, CNN lists "young business stars" under 40, books are published by "40 young architects", designers, CEOs – up to 40 years old.

This is good news. Now you don't have to, like Alexander the Great, wring your hands and shout: "I'm 23 years old, and I haven't done anything for immortality yet!". With a growing life expectancy, you can wait with screams up to 40.

Of course, let's not forget that Alexander the Great lived for 33 years, and my peers, if they give up cigarettes and alcohol, have every chance to live to 80. (Well, well, Russian men – up to 70 years).

On the other hand, psychologists warn against being too frivolous about their third decade: clinical psychologist Meg Jay, author of The Defining Decade, in his TED lecture reminds us that 80% of fateful decisions we still make before the age of 35. Where to live? Who to be? With whom to start a family? – most people solve these issues when they are twenty years old.

"Making the highest demands on yourself while you're 20 is the best thing you can do for your career, personal life and happiness," says Meg Jay. – It depends on the first 10 years of your career how much you will earn in the future, at this time the brain and character are finally formed, 28 years is the peak of reproductive maturity in women."

Of course, her warnings are addressed, first of all, to her fellow Americans, who believe that from 20 to 30 is not life yet, but only preparation for life, and at this age they mostly lead a student lifestyle.

At one of the scientific conferences, I met a young man from New York State who, at the age of 37, is still writing a dissertation, rents an apartment in half with a neighbor and works in a Starbucks cafe, because there is a convenient schedule.

"You should also try working at Starbucks – so you can calmly think about your scientific work, and they also have free coffee for employees," Brian advised me.

Here are my classmates, editors-in-chief and top managers of corporations, will be surprised, I thought, when they meet me at Starbucks! At the age of 29, I still somehow earn my own coffee.

On the other hand, Soviet ideas that 30 years is the zenith of life hang like a sword of Damocles over the heads of my peers. The girls are diligently treated from all sides by caring relatives: "How is your personal life?", "Maybe you shouldn't be so picky at your age?", "There is already a girl, maybe it's time to give birth to a boy?".

Young people also feel the oppression of social expectations closer to 30: "I still don't have my own office!", "I'm still the deputy head of the department!", "Misha has already been given a corporate car, but he's younger!", "He's not a boy anymore, stop working for someone else's uncle."

They get married at 25, by thirty many already have two children. And at 35, problems begin: a wave of divorces, infidelities and tragedies, which captured my friends, makes me doubt that I really want to get married.

The husband left his wife for a twenty-year-old, the husband left for another man, the wife went to Spain, fell in love and moved three children there. The husband, after 10 years of marriage, left just like that, muttering at the door like a postman Pechkin: "Maybe I'm just starting to live." The happiest marriages concluded in 20, in 30 years turn out to be a mistake and a disappointment. Everyone is unhappy.

Masha says she also noticed it in Moscow. She says she has never heard such tragic stories in Holland: "Maybe this is our temperament? Passions, tragedies – the mysterious Russian soul"?

Or maybe you should not rush into marriage and the birth of children? Maybe it's really time to get used to the fact that, as Katerina Tikhomirova said in the film "Moscow does not believe in tears", "life is just beginning at 40"?

At least, you can not get depressed when approaching the thirtieth birthday. "I already know that for sure now."

Portal "Eternal youth" http://vechnayamolodost.ru30.08.2013